Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize