Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
