i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
