the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you never un-have a 4some
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
