a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
