I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
