So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
