drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
