wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
