She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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