Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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