New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
