Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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