I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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