i was rollin on her like bob the builder
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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