can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
