You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
