Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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