he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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