All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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