If i come over, it means nothing
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
