Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize