Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
