Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
