i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
