Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
