I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
