i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
