She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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