Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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