He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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