I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
