A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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