69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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