My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize