This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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