I puked a lego.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You're like the curious george of whores
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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