Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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