I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
