Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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