her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize