She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
