i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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