I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
