I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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