either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
