In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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