my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
