come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
