"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
