The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
