It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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