i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize
