I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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