Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
