I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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