They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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