K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
