Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
