I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
