The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
