Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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