You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
