the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
