i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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