He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
