my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
